


Business as Usual

by KDblack



Series: In the Shadow of Midgar [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Gen, Mayhem, Murder, complaining about your job, you know normal turk stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24192694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KDblack/pseuds/KDblack
Summary: “Are we pretending he's still alive?”Reno glanced at Rude, then immediately moved to back him up. “Yeah, are we? 'cause there might be a problem or two with that.”Tseng's sigh was audible.“It would be preferable. What seems to be the issue?”“Rude kinda punched his face off.”“Of course he did,”Tseng muttered, then cleared his throat.“Work with it.”(Two Turks, a body, and an irritable voice on the line.)
Series: In the Shadow of Midgar [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765723
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	Business as Usual

**Author's Note:**

> A long-overdue ficlet for my favourite morally-ambiguous clean-up crew.

“What do you mean, don't get rid of it?” Reno hissed into his PHS. It was his mildest, most professional hiss, but since it was Reno, he still sounded like he was about to burst out laughing. Or stab someone, depending on how well you knew him. Rude was putting him down as closer to the stabby end of the spectrum right now. 

The sad thing was, he couldn't blame Reno. After a five hour stakeout, they'd finally found their opening and terminated the target, only to be greeted with this bullshit.

 _“Orders from above.”_ In the privacy of a freshly-emptied apartment, Tseng's voice echoed loud enough for Rude to catch it. At least the clipped tone made it clear he was no more impressed than they were. _“Hold onto the body for a minimum of twenty-four hours. And get ready to move.”_

Reno gestured expressively with his free hand and began to pace. “Why?”

_“We are to remind Midgar of our presence. In dramatic fashion.”_

“We're Turks! Midgar already knows everything we want them to!”

Rude shifted his weight, uncomfortably aware of the blood splatters on his jacket. There was a distinct possibility he hadn't been quite as careful as he should've been when engaging the target. He suspected he was going to regret that. In his defence, he'd been sitting in a very small car with a very bored Reno, and he'd had some stress to work out on someone's face. 

Hm. On that note... “Are we pretending he's still alive?”

Reno glanced at him, then immediately moved to back him up. “Yeah, are we? 'cause there might be a problem or two with that.”

Tseng's sigh was audible. _“It would be preferable. What seems to be the issue?”_

“Rude kinda punched his face off.”

 _“Of course he did,”_ Tseng muttered, then cleared his throat. _“Work with it.”_

“What, are we supposed to put Rude's bloody jacket over the guy's head and pretend he's too drunk to see shit?” Reno paused as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “Actually, that might work. Where d'you want him?”

Rude stepped back from the conversation and returned to the bathroom they'd left the target in. He stripped out of the ruined jacket, examined it for a second, then turned it inside out. There. Perfect. He held it up to the motionless corpse in the bathtub with care. 

Yeah, that should work.

“Why the hell does Scarlet want the body?” Reno burst out in the other room. “He wasn't even an arms dealer! Can she get off to something that doesn't reek of gunpowder?”

Personally, Rude would've assumed the corpse being a _corpse_ would be a bigger turn-off, but he suspected Reno might be closer to Scarlet's wavelength. He also resolved to never share this suspicion with anyone for fear it might make its way back to Reno, or worse, Rufus. Either would probably result in Tseng withholding Rude's vacation days out of sheer spite.

“Fine, whatever. Does she want us to do anything extra? A little mutilation here, some cult symbolism there. We could totally carve 'Avalanche' into the chest.”

“No, we can't,” Rude said. Avalanche wasn't in the business of murdering green energy protesters. No one would buy it.

Reno leaned through the doorway and rolled his eyes expressively. “You're both party poopers. Fine. Rude, give him your sunglasses, that way we can pretend he still has a nose.”

That might be difficult. Since the target no longer had a nose for glasses to perch on.

“Hang on, I got one of those little knives. Prop the glasses up on this.” Reno rifled one-handed through his pockets and extracted something sharp and silver. He promptly threw it at Rude, because he was an asshole. “Yes, sir, I'm still listening.”

 _“I am aware.”_ Tseng's voice echoed louder in the enclosed space.

“Just in case you doubted me, sir.”

 _“I would never. Now get going. And remember to clean up after yourselves.”_ The call ended with a definite click.

Reno made a face and disappeared his PHS up his sleeve, where it promptly vanished into the same dark void which contained his snacks and, on the rare occasion he wasn't playing with it, using it, or actively threatening someone with it, his Mag Rod. “God, it's like he doesn't trust us at all.”

Rude shrugged. “It would be weird if he trusted us.”

“True.” Reno meandered over to the tub and made another distinct but equally disgusted face. “Okay, we've got like three hours before the mistress shows up. Boss wants signs of a struggle, but no bloodstains. Rock paper scissors for clean-up?”

“Nah, I'll clean.” Rude already had the soap at hand. Besides, Reno always cheated.

That got him an affectionately violent slap on the back. “Good man. Put your coat back on, you get blood on your shirt and I ain't sharing mine.”

Rude sighed and watched his partner slip back into the main room of the apartment. Soon, the air was filled with the sounds of breaking pottery and wood being bashed into drywall. That left Rude to shrug his jacket back on and relocate the corpse to the toilet seat. Then he rolled up his sleeves and got to work washing the blood down the drain. Lucky it hadn't set yet. An hour or so later and he might've had some trouble. But then, if Tseng had called an hour or so later, the corpse would already have been dismembered, chopped into neat little chunks, and vanished into the Midgar sewer system, and he and Reno would be on their way back to the office. 

The more time Rude spent on this train of thought, the more jealous he was of his theoretical alternate self.

“Hey, found the safe!” Reno called. “Think anyone'll notice if I steal his shit?”

Rude sighed again and scrubbed harder, the scent of iron filling his nose. “Not if you share.”

They deserved some hazard pay for putting up with office politics.


End file.
